I was feeling really good the other day. Just out of the blue I thought it would be nice if Dave and I went out to go see The Green Hornet at the cheap theatre. Connor wanted to go along with us, but Bella’s too young and Chris didn't really want to see it, so they stayed with Dave’s dad who came to visit us over the weekend. Good movie, by the way, I hate listening to critics. It was a pretty cool movie filled with fighting, comedy, and violence. You know, something relaxing to take your mind off things.
So we go home and it’s not too late, about 9:30 and of course it’s dark. I decide to take us home via highway instead of the back roads, like I originally opted. Right here is where I’m wishing for the Butterfly Effect. You know the movie, the one where Aston Kutcher finds a way to alter his life.
The butterfly effect is a metaphor that encapsulates the concept of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory; namely, a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. Thank you Wiki, cause I’m not that smart.
As I exit the highway and pass the airport, I come to a stop at the end of Lauby Rd. Well, at least, I thought I stopped at the end of Lauby Rd. But I knew I was busted, call it instinct.I think I’m rather sensitive to trooper radar, having only been stopped once in my life when I was 18, and if you know how I drive, that’s pretty significant.
As I turn right off of Lauby, a pair of headlights on the opposite side of the road were staring me down. As I pass it by, feeling both contempt and trepidation, the trooper’s flashing disco lights came into view.
My son is in the back asking “What did we do?” and flails his arms about as he turns back and forth towards us and the trooper behind us.
Chaos ensues, and David is yelling, “Would you stop doing that Connor, he’ll think your hiding something or doing something wrong!”
The trooper walks up to me and I turned my window down.
“License and registration, Ma’am.”
I hand him my license and Dave proceeds to find the registration. As he does so he asks the trooper what we were being stopped for. He answered by asking me a question.
“Did you know that there was a stop sign at the end of Lauby Rd ma’am?”(echo effect on the ma’am)
So, time freezes for me at that moment. Was this an open-ended question or was it a close-ended question? Was he simply wanting me to say yes or no, or did he want me to further explain myself, thereby giving myself an opportunity to extricate myself from this situation. Should I wink at him? Should I flirt? I don’t think that would have worked since my kid was in the back seat. But for the life of me I could not answer.
Meanwhile, Connor is poking me in the back thinking I didn’t hear the officer, since I am hard of hearing. But I heard, I just didn’t know what the right answer was. Too much pressure!
Finally I answered, “We were on our way home and I did know there was a stop sign there.” I looked up at him with a questioning look and wondering...Did I answer correctly?
The trooper went back to his vehicle and took my license with him. Several minutes go by, and Dave comes up with an idea.
“Quick, put your handicap sign up and act like your having an episode!”
“What?!?! I am NOT acting like I’m having an episode!” I screamed indignantly.
“No, no, it’ll work, just start limping, talk funny, and say that I had to get you home cause you started getting sick!”
Not wanting to be charged with criminal battery, I refrained from slugging the sh*t out of him. I gave him The Look, the one that says- I can’t do anything about it now because our kid is in the back seat and the trooper is right behind us- look.
The officer came back, gave us the ticket and charged me with failure to stop at a stop sign. He tilted his head and had the nerve to say,
“You folks have a nice night.”
Really?..Have a nice night? Isn’t that like rubbing salt on the wound? An oxymoron? Inappropriate? Bad manners, even? Do they teach them to say that at trooper school when they hand you a ticket? It was not as if this was a feel-good situation!
I would have preferred, “Pay your fine, and make sure you stop at the stop sign.”
But, “Have a nice night”just did not do it for me. It turned out to be a really crappy night. He could have at least ended it with a really crappy farewell.
