I believe that when one has a unique condition, it is important to be part of some sort of support system. Not just the support offered by your friends and family but the support of others who are familiar with that condition. When I first discovered I had HM, I visited some migraine sites that eventually led me to those who also suffered from this disorder. It was refreshing to hear their stories and to know that I was not alone with what I suffered.
At the time it was difficult to open up to others about myself, even to complete strangers. I was content to read the various posts on the forum, feeling safer to just visit the site every once and awhile and participate from afar.
But there was one incident that happened to me a few years back that compelled me to step out of my comfort zone. The unpleasant occurrence so infuriated me that I needed to vent; and who better to vent to than to those who could empathize with me most.
The following is that post. There were parts I wanted to change due to some grammatical errors, and because some words didn’t flow well. As irksome as these errors are to me, I felt the overall authenticity of the content was more important. (Well, OK, I did correct some misspelling errors. But I had to. They were really getting on my nerves.)
I also copied it to Facebook at that time, so if you feel a little déjà vu that is why…
Hello All: Posted 10-06-2009 01:41 PM
I wanted to tell you about an unfortunate incident I had last night at a local Target store. I had just gotten over an HM episode and it was nice to be out and about with my son who was helping me. I parked in the handicap space and noticed a woman next to us that was looking at us rather strangely. I told my son not to mind her. I did not stay long as my legs were still quite weak, I did not have my cane but I am getting good at using the cart for support on the days that I don't walk so fast.
For such a short trip to the store it was easy to fatigue and I was somewhat short of breath, but it was great to be out. We bought some ice cream and we were planning to have some warm brownies with ice cream at home. As I returned to my car, I noticed a post-it note on the driver’s side of the window. It stated "YOU ARE BEING REPORTED FOR HANDICAP VIOLATION".
My son was a little upset and did not understand why anyone would write that. He has seen me on days that I can barely walk and helped take care of me when I could not get things for myself as with my other children. He asked "why would they write that mom, you are disabled and we have a sticker." My only response was that people can be ignorant.
I was so upset to think that I could be accused of falsely parking in the handicap spot. They don't even know how embarrassing it is for me to use this service and how even more embarrassing it is to use a cane or a walker let alone a wheelchair. I think at 40 I consider myself still young and I really despise the look of pity on people's face's when I have to use a cane or a walker.
I will not apologize for having a good day and not looking like I am not a handicap. I will not apologize for using the handicap space because by the time I leave a store I feel ready to collapse.
When I got home I called the sheriff's department and also spoke with the Target manager. They are trying to review the tape to see if they can id the person that put it there. We went to the sheriff's office this morning to see if there was anything they could do. I was quite adamant about not dropping this case. It's not just for me but for all the others that have invisible handicaps who are being looked at and judged by others.
It's not right. There is not law to prevent this type of harassment. I understand that there are people that abuse this service, but, if you are questioning the authenticity of the sticker than follow up with the BMV or your local police department. Don't demean the person who owns that sticker by writing an ignorant note because their handicap is already demeaning enough. Those with invisible handicaps may even feel it's not worth it to go out because they are afraid they will be judged.
I have posted a brief note on Facebook as well. Getting the word out is important.
Be an advocate.
Has this happened to any of you?
Sorry so long. I was REALLLLLY upset. Listen close and you can probably hear me screaming.
I wanted to tell you about an unfortunate incident I had last night at a local Target store. I had just gotten over an HM episode and it was nice to be out and about with my son who was helping me. I parked in the handicap space and noticed a woman next to us that was looking at us rather strangely. I told my son not to mind her. I did not stay long as my legs were still quite weak, I did not have my cane but I am getting good at using the cart for support on the days that I don't walk so fast.
For such a short trip to the store it was easy to fatigue and I was somewhat short of breath, but it was great to be out. We bought some ice cream and we were planning to have some warm brownies with ice cream at home. As I returned to my car, I noticed a post-it note on the driver’s side of the window. It stated "YOU ARE BEING REPORTED FOR HANDICAP VIOLATION".
My son was a little upset and did not understand why anyone would write that. He has seen me on days that I can barely walk and helped take care of me when I could not get things for myself as with my other children. He asked "why would they write that mom, you are disabled and we have a sticker." My only response was that people can be ignorant.
I was so upset to think that I could be accused of falsely parking in the handicap spot. They don't even know how embarrassing it is for me to use this service and how even more embarrassing it is to use a cane or a walker let alone a wheelchair. I think at 40 I consider myself still young and I really despise the look of pity on people's face's when I have to use a cane or a walker.
I will not apologize for having a good day and not looking like I am not a handicap. I will not apologize for using the handicap space because by the time I leave a store I feel ready to collapse.
When I got home I called the sheriff's department and also spoke with the Target manager. They are trying to review the tape to see if they can id the person that put it there. We went to the sheriff's office this morning to see if there was anything they could do. I was quite adamant about not dropping this case. It's not just for me but for all the others that have invisible handicaps who are being looked at and judged by others.
It's not right. There is not law to prevent this type of harassment. I understand that there are people that abuse this service, but, if you are questioning the authenticity of the sticker than follow up with the BMV or your local police department. Don't demean the person who owns that sticker by writing an ignorant note because their handicap is already demeaning enough. Those with invisible handicaps may even feel it's not worth it to go out because they are afraid they will be judged.
I have posted a brief note on Facebook as well. Getting the word out is important.
Be an advocate.
Has this happened to any of you?
Sorry so long. I was REALLLLLY upset. Listen close and you can probably hear me screaming.
After the post was written, there were so many people who wrote back with words of encouragement. It’s a good feeling to know you aren’t alone. It’s a good feeling to know that there are people who actually experience the same things you go through. And it’s even a better feeling to know that there are others out there who genuinely understand the obstacles you face.
I don’t use my sticker on my normal days of course.
Unfortunately for me, it is because of that particular incident, that I have found myself not even bothering to go out when I don’t feel good. When using the sign could make things easier for me if I have a quick errand, I am always wondering if someone is watching me, judging me and getting ready to slip that note on my car.
This is a personal hurdle that I still need to overcome and hopefully one day will. One definite, therapeutic way to overcome this hurdle would be if I could go back in time and tell this lady to mind her own F’n business. What a marketable form of expensive psychotherapy that would be; too bad time travel is not an option. I’d be rich.
But, all kidding aside, I thought it would be a great educational opportunity to review the eligibility requirements for a disability parking permit as dictated by Ohio BMV. This was updated as of 1/11.
As with all things medical, talk with your doctor. He or she will be the one to determine if your condition warrants a disability sign and they will need to be the ones to write the prescription. But there may be people out there that have no idea that they are even qualified for a handicap sign. So I hope you take the time to read it and I hope it enlightens you, and maybe you can pass the information along.
1. Cannot walk two hundred feet without stopping to rest. 2. Cannot walk without the use of or assistance from a brace, cane, crutch, another person, prosthetic device, wheelchair or other assistive device. 3. Is restricted by lung disease to such an extent that the person’s forced (respiratory) expiratory volume for one second, when measured by spirometry, is less than one liter, or the arterial oxygen tension is less than sixty millimeters of mercury on room air at rest. | 4. Uses portable oxygen. 5. Has a cardiac condition to the extent that the person’s functional limitations are classified in severity as Class III or Class IV according to standards set by the American Heart Association. 6. Is severely limited in the ability to walk due to an arthritic, neurological, or orthopedic condition. 7. Is blind. |
